Woman Snorts Data During Her “Marketing Rockstar” Interview
Last Wednesday, Inez Bevons took things a little too far during her interview for the position of “Marketing Rockstar.” Though the job description did use terms such as “shred on the spreadsheets” and “innovation junkie,” the employer did not mean for potential candidates to take the metaphor so literally.
The hiring manager found Inez waiting for her interview in the lobby, which was completely trashed. Inez introduced herself then smashed a guitar over the receptionist’s head and yelled “that’s best practices, baby!” The manager, Lisa, interpreted this as enthusiasm for the job, so she shook off the aggressive behavior and shook hands with the raccoon-fur-covered Inez.
Inez started the interview strong, bragging, “you’ve probably seen my debut in Marketing Weekly.” She pulled out the magazine with her on the front cover, posing in nothing but sunglasses. “I like to be disruptive. Synergy. Storytelling. B2B. Dissociation. You know how it is.” She then laid out powdered data on the cover and snorted it. Lisa kindly declined what Inez called “snackable content.”
When asked to walk through her portfolio, Inez pulled out a vinyl record labeled “Circle Back Against the Machine: Remix” and was confused as to why the conference room didn’t have a record player. “That’s fine, marketing’s better live, anyway.” She then pulled out a guitar and proceeded to play all the jingles she’d written. Some of them are below:
freecreditscore.com, it tastes like rum and cigarettes
F*CK THE SYSTEM ZIPLOC BAGS ARE THE SOLUTION
My scars don’t define me, Verizon Wireless does
YEAH YEAH YEAH PRUDENTIAL FINANCIAL PLANNING YEAH YEAHHHHHH
Cinnamon Toast Crunch you can put that [explicit] up my [explicit]
At the end of the interview, no-longer-potential-candidate Inez rode a motorcycle out of the conference room and into the elevator while screaming “BUY ONE TODAY!” repeatedly. She then rode that motorcycle into her tour bus, as the entire company watched from the window, confused, but resolved to word their job descriptions more carefully in the future.
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(note: this is fake)
Photo by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash
