Controlling Husband Won’t Let Wife Go on the Bachelor

Hannah’s husband won’t let her audition for ABC’s “The Bachelor.” What a controlling prick! It’s crazy that in this #metoo era of transparency and empowerment, women are still being told what to do by their husbands. Is Hannah even allowed to leave her own home? Who knows!

Poor Hannah says she’s dreamed of being on the bachelor since she saw the first episode. She and her father used to watch every Monday night it was on. And that’s her favorite memory of him. Her father is still alive, they just don’t have any other mutual interests.

So when her husband refused to let her send in the audition tape, Hannah was heartbroken.

“There’s always at least two Hannahs every season and I dreamed of being Hannah T. That’s always been my life’s goal.”

Luckily, we were able to snag her audition tape and boy was it good. She starts out very strong:

“Hello, I’m Hannah. I’m happily married with two sons. I’m an influencer on Google Plus @hannahbanana53290 and I LOVE to scat! Scatting is my passion. My husband loves when I scat to him. I even do it in my sleep! I used to yodel but that was in my younger days. I was kinda crazy back then!”

The rest of the tape is a montage of Hannah rollerblading on a beach and staring directly at the sun in deep thought.

Hannah T even had her entrance planned out. She was going to get out of the limo, throw a basketball at Peter and say "I traveled all this way to win your heart." What a shame she didn’t get to execute that top-notch plane/basketball pun (Peter’s a pilot. Did you know???) all because her husband “won’t let her.”

Needless to say, Hannah’s husband has been #canceled.

(note: this is fake)